I'll Cover You

There is a line in the song "I'll Cover You": Collins and Angel, as they lead up to the final refrain, say, "I've longed to discover something as true as this is." Musically, it's a beautiful line, with the music conveying a sense of complete happiness and trust from the singers. Literally, it's sweet and loving, perhaps the tiniest bit sappy but much less so than other words. For me, though, this line comes back time and again as a moment that expresses absolutely what I feel about RENT. I have longed, for as long as I can remember, to discover something as true as the feelings and emotions and experiences that RENT gives me. I've longed to discover something as true as this is, and though I may forget sometimes how deeply it has affected me, I know that nothing else will ever change me in that same way. Nothing else will ever be true in the way that RENT is, in the way it has been and in the way it will be for years and years to come.

And one of the most inspiring and magnetic parts of the RENT experience is the actors.

I've seen quite a few RENT casts: tour ones, Broadway ones, original members, celebrities, old favorites, newbies, the works. I have a favorite Maureen (Nicolette Hart), a favorite Mimi (Karmine Alers), even a favorite Squeegee Man (Telly Leung). I can name or recognize the names of most RENT actors, be they past, present, or tour. I've only seen the show nine times so far, but I'm a virtual connoisseur of RENT performers. And yet I will never find a Collins and an Angel who make the same magic and give me the same sense of pure, sweet happiness and joy that Jesse L. Martin and Wilson Jermaine Heredia do.

The Original Broadway Cast (OBC) truly is the only one for me. I've seen all the bootlegs there are to be found of them, learned their bios, read their interviews, done everything but stalk them (okay, I've stalked a little, but it was good stalking). I've seen Gwen Stewart (Soloist #1, Mrs. Jefferson, and Others), Rodney Hicks (OBC Paul and Others, but I saw him as Benny), Anthony Rapp as Mark, Adam Pascal as Roger...they're all incredible. I love and appreciate many other RENT actors past and present, but the OBC are forever at the top of my ladder. I feel (as I'm sure many RENTheads do) that I know them, and that, like old friends, they'll be there for me whenever I need them, and they'll forgive me when I don't pay attention to them for a little while. I feel connected to them. I love them. And I know that sounds weird, but it's true. In whatever twisted way my little RENThead mind can love people I don't know (or barely know) but who have changed my life completely, I love them.

Jesse and Wilson are OBC members. Wilson is a Dominican guy from Brooklyn who worked as a dispatcher before RENT and threw on Angel's platform heels without a second thought. Jesse is a black, Southern-bred, Buffalo-raised guy who almost didn't do RENT. They're perfect. They are Angel and Collins. There's no pretense about that. They just became those characters so perfectly that to me, every other actor (even Justin Johnston and Michael McElroy, my favorite Angel/Collins duo that I have seen) can't compare; they just seem a little bit off, like impersonators or mimics. The real thing has been there and gone.

I watch the OBC opening night bootleg, and I see Jesse and Wilson perform I'll Cover You. It's unbelievable, how complete they are. Even I, who can never stop thinking about the actors for a second, get lost in the moment as Angel and Collins fall in love before my eyes. From "I've been hearing violins all night" to "No, you'll be my queen and I'll be your moat", the lines just FIT. Other people sometimes make them sound hokey or uncomfortable, but Jesse and Wilson just look so natural and happy that I can't doubt them for a second. God, they're incredible. And they bring the song, with all its love and emotion, to life. Jonathan's brilliance, sweetness, and utter belief in the power of love shine here, in this pure, uncomplicated love song. There's no hemming and hawing and hesitance here like with Roger and Mimi's "I Should Tell You." There's no angry dueling and raunchy teasing like Maureen and Joanne's "Take Me Or Leave Me." There's just happiness and love and trust and acceptance. I can't even find the right words to describe how this song makes me feel. It's a blank for me.

Jesse and Wilson are also completely comfortable with each other, which is very, very important for Collins and Angel. I've seen Angels and Collinses who seem afraid or reluctant to touch each other, and it just wrecks the song. They also kiss for about half a second, which sucks. Wilson and Jesse kissed worth half a damn, and that sets them up on a whole new level right there. They weren't nervous or afraid or embarrassed. Wilson touches Jesse's chest and face, Jesse puts his fingers at the corners of Wilson's lips (best gesture EVER right there, by the way), and they hold hands like it's the best thing in the world. Jesse just wraps his arms around Wilson's waist and smiles his big, open, heart-melting smile. And at that moment, when Jesse is hugging Wilson from behind and they're swaying to the music and singing, you can see it. In the way Jesse leans his face against Wilson and closes his eyes, in the barely repressed grin on Wilson's face, and on the way their hands link in the front...it's there. When Wilson strokes Jesse's face and cups his hand around his neck when they kiss, and after a second their arms just go up and around each other, there's something real there. Not just two guys dancing around beaming and singing at each other. Two real people, sharing a single space in time where everything fits perfectly.

Make no mistake: I'm not one of those people who are like "OMG THEY R SO GAY THEYRE IN LUUUUUV." I'm one of the "please shoot and kill people like that and then bury their bodies under the foundations of the Nederlander" RENTheads. Jesse and Wilson are both straight. I know this, and I happily accept it. But here's where loads of people will call me a gullible romanticist. See, if you read the RENT Bible (and partially memorize it *cough*), you hear a lot about how close this cast was. The OBC, I mean. When Jonathan Larson died, they cemented close to each other, and when RENT became a huge hit, they were a real family. The cynic in me says that at least some of it has to be a schtick or something, because that kind of stuff is great for PR. But the rest of me believes it. For a few reasons.

For one thing, none of these people seem like PR whores. Not only that, but they don't and didn't need to be. RENT was already a smash, they didn't need to hype anymore. And I can see it happening too: in the way they were onstage (THANK GOD FOR BOOTLEGS), in Anthony Rapp's book, in the pictures (not the staged ones, but yeah, even those a bit), and just from what I know of them. It was a crazy, insane ride, and they were either flying solo or all together for it. Wilson said, "I felt for once like I was part of the club." Fredi Walker (original Joanne, and one of the performers that I identify with and love in a different way than the others) said, "There will never be a cast of RENT like this one. Instead of breaking apart because of the success, we've come closer together." Adam Pascal said, "The connection we have offstage transfers. People ask if we love each other as much as we look like we do, and we do." I just see it, and I believe it. Maybe I'm stupid, maybe I'm naive, but I believe it. And somehow it gives me comfort.

Wilson and Jesse were part of that family, and when they performed those parts, there was real love there. No, not romantic love, but feelings between two human beings. They loved each other like they loved the rest of those thirteen people they were onstage with every night. And it shows. It shows.

Sometimes I get so sad about RENT it physically hurts. I'm sad it's been so long since the OBC, sad it's closed, sad about other things, sad sad sad sad sad. But it happened. It happened, and it existed, and those magical times of the OBC, they're not gone. They're past, and the world they existed in is past, but they were and are real. I have that. And as sad as I'll ever get, and as happy as I'll ever get, the love will always be there. Jesse and Wilson will always be there, those two men who created something I've never seen or felt before and set it free. I love them, and I love RENT, and I thank Jonathan Larson that I have them in my life.

RENThead OUT. For now, at least.