Gah, I Tell You. GAH.

Ever find that one song that doesn't get old for you, ever? Like, you still enjoy it during fads and trends and all that, and it just frigging endures for you? I have that song. It is called "Never Leave Your Heart Alone", by Butterfly Boucher, this Christian rock band from Australia. Yeah, Christian rock? Not usually my thing. This song, however, is. I found it on the Grey's Anatomy soundtrack (so sue me) and it's all thumpy and piano-y and harmony-y and generally sort of cool. I don't know WHY I'm so into it, but I am. I just never get tired of it.

Other songs that clutter up my earphones recently: I Kissed A Girl by Katy Perry, The First Single by The Format, Undead by Brynna Campbell, Strangers Like Me by Phil Collins, RENT/Spring Awakening (as per usual, at least in relation to the RENT), and Wicked Little Town from Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Some of these are longtimes listens, some are not. Whatever, they're all kick-ass.

Okay, so here's a NEWish problem. Yeah, I bitch about my problems with my dad a lot. Whatever, everyone has shit to deal with. The thing is, I know he loves me and my sister more than pretty much anything else in the world, and I love him too. That's not the issue; the issue is that he tends to act like the biggest of wankers, but I digress. The point is, he may be an idiot at times, but he's not a bad person. In fact, he's a wonderful man. A genuinely screwed up, sometimes childish, wonderful man. It's who he is.

But with the summer approaching in full force, I realize that he's actually very smothering in some ways. Think about it: I'm a divorced kid. Most divorced kids spend weekends and holidays with one parent. I switch back and forth halfway through the week. It's extremely stressful, and usually results in my stuff getting lost and my plans being screwed up. I miss my dad, but I AM NOT ELEVEN YEARS OLD ANYMORE. I need my freedom, I need to be able to say, "No, Dad, I want to be away from you for a while, and that needs to be okay." I was on vacation with him for a full week, without seeing anyone other than my family, and now he has a camping trip planned in the middle of my work schedule. If I say anything about feeling obligated to spend too much time with the family and at home, he pulls a sad face and starts going on about accepting he is of the time I want to spend with my friends, and he knows I want to have time to myself, and he gives me that, and it's not too much to ask for for me to be at home every once in a while, is it?

Dad, you plan family excursions every chance you get and never let me not go without feeling hugely guilty. The more time I spend around you, the less I actually enjoy. You're smothering me. I know I need to be "accountable" to you like you say, but I'm growing up. You can't keep planning my life out for me. I need to make my own mistakes and take action on my own behalf. I don't want you to do all this. Let me go, Dad. Please.