Thank The Lord For Saints Row 2

Today, something very, very sad happened. Video games were forever ruined for me.

A couple weeks ago, my friend Bill (unreal name) and I decided to plan a video game party. We included my friend Captain Hammer, who is made of win. Today was the day of the Video Game Extravaganza, and MAN was it epic.

See, Captain Hammer has an amazing house, like his bathroom is twice the size of my bedroom. However, he could live anywhere in the world--the White House, the Taj Mahal, New York--and still not have a cooler gaming room than the one he has right now. It's amazing. The room is long and wide, and has a row of really really really comfy recliner chairs--with automatic switches that control said reclining SO AWESOMELY--and the TV...the TV...man, the TV is beyond words. I'm pretty sure it's about the length and width of a good-size refrigerator, one of those big ol' clunky ones. That TV has completely spoiled me for video games. Nothing will ever look that good and defined, pixel for pixel, again.

Do I sound smitten with Captain Hammer's gaming stuff? Well, I am. However, the day itself was pure fun. Me, Bill, and Cpt. Hammer are all quite..."involved" gamers, and we screamed and trash-talked and hollered so much it probably sounded like we were being canonized into gangs or something. "Oh my god, turn right, turn right! NO, YOUR OTHER RIGHT, FOOL! NOW GO UP! NO, YOUR OTHER UP!!!!" "Get him get him get him!" "NEESH! GAH! OOOooooOOOOOONO! OMIGOD, OMIGOD, PLEASE STOP CRASHING INTO WALLS! THERE'S A DOOR THERE, DOORS ARE FOR GOING THROUGH!" "Shoot, shoot, shoot UP! No, the shotgun, seriously OH HELL NO, BITCH!" "FUCK FUCK FUCK THE COPS! THE COPS ARE THERE!" "Die, foolish pedestrians! Run, you puny mortals! HAHAHAHAHA!" "Bill, gimme, I wanna use the katana NOW!"

Yeah. That's what you'd hear in about 30 seconds of crazy, crazy craziness.

We also ate some ramen, gossiped (the way only two high school boys and one high school girl can) and had a great time. Finally, Bill gave me a lift home, during which we discussed the relative merits of high school and the graduation thereof. Bill is going to Bard, and while I'm very pleased for him, I'm quite perturbed that he will be only communicable with through IMs. I love that kid, I tell you what. He's completely nuts, but I love 'im.

Just to stress again: the video games were INTENSE. We played Grand Theft Auto 4 first, which was incredible. That game is amazing, yo, and you can wear your goddamn fingerprints off trying new shit, but there will always be something you haven't thought of. I sucked at first (I never play video games outside of at friends' houses or the like), but soon got my skillz in order and kicked ASS, I tell you what. Seriously, I did some of the most amazing driving ever...right up until I went headfirst into the river. But before that, I was on FIRE.

Then we played Saints Row 2, which was so so so so so cool. I really failed at that, mostly because it involved a sound understanding and mastery of camera viewpoint manipulation, neither of which I possess, so when I was playing our character mostly just ran into walls and got shot in the back. However, I was able to do a little pwnage with a katana and when I inadvertently jacked a motorcycle, we found out I was HUGELY talented at motorcycle driving. I still did a lot of bailing-right-before-crashing-into-walls-oh-noes, but I also did some fancy steering too.

Basically, today rocked. My boy buds are awesome, and I am lucky to know them. Captain Hammer, also, is insanely skilled. I bow before his mighty presence. Sadly, he is also taller than me, so I don't have much to be superior about (I make it a point to be superior to everyone about SOMETHING.) Luckily, he's a rather quite-voiced person, so I've got him BEAT there. Ha HA.