Bloggin'...

Well, I'm up, might as well write about stuff. Today, all the seniors in my school graduated. It was a long ceremony, but nice, except for the speeches made by the deputy superintendent and the mayor. I mean, why don't people who actually INTERACT WITH STUDENTS ON AT LEAST A WEEKLY BASIS make speeches? They can actually say something relevant, instead of blathering about earning caps and gowns and giving out pens to "write about your life experiences" and recycling pretty much every graduation speech ever made. I think Filo (our infamously famous sharp-tongued dean who is both beloved and feared by the majority of the student body) should have talked. She would have been like, "Now ALL OF YOU, I don't care what careers or such you get yourselves mixed up in, I want to see GOOD behavior from EVERY SINGLE ONE of YOU. The world is NOT a PLAYGROUND, and we do not conduct ourselves as if it WERE. You will represent CRLS in a EXEMPLARY way, or so help me, I'll drag you into the office and keep you there until you've decided you're ready to rejoin civilized society." All this in her wonderful accent. Bless that scary, scary lady.

Anyway, graduation was indeed fun. Humbi and Rachel (respectively Valedictorian and Salutatorian) made some very good and sincere speeches, and Lilly, Robbie, and Derek played some great music. Also, the words "diversity" and its various incarnations were said many, many times, as is the Cambridge way. Finally, FINALLY, it was time for the students to walk: but ho, this was not a swift process! No, indeed, when you have 358 graduates (less than usual, we seem to be losing students per grade), it is lengthy in the extreme. Granted, it was quite gratifying to see various friends--Becky, Ayo, Sofia, Zelda, Miles, etc.--walk across the stage and get their diplomas. Even "friends", like Elinor, Adam, Maeve, Jonathan...people I care about, but don't really have a standing relationship with. Ah, well, it was muchly awesome to see so many people who I've gone to school with for two years graduate, even the many that I didn't know. I felt some pride, I tell you what. Also, the school will feel even more empty now, since they literally don't go there anymore. I will miss them, and the ones who I love I wish safe passage into college and adulthood. I hope I'm there to see some of them become even cooler than they are now.

Got home, ate some delicious homemade shish-kebab, commented on Facebook stuff...etc. It's all good. I'm looking forward to what should be a very fun and relaxing weekend before my final full week as a sophmore at Cambridge Rindge and Latin School.

Man oh man. It's so crazy...I'm fifteen, almost sixteen. I'm halfway through high school. When did this happen? The other day, I was singing a song from Wicked at my eighth grade graduation. The day before that, I was hugely disappointed that my school was moving buildings because I was looking forward to moving to the top floor for fifth grade. And the day before that, Halie was moving into my room and I was dancing around in a dress covered with roses, getting in the way as my parents moved the old crib around and filled up the closet with baby stuff. I feel old. I'm not even that old, but my head...my heart, my brain, my eyes, they all feel old.

I'm scared about the future. What do I know how to do that I also love? Drama, music, and writing. All professions that depended on luck, a smidge of talent, single-minded dedication, and a propensity for taking risks. I have none, although maybe a smidgelet of that smidge of talent. I don't want to be my dad: I don't want to have one thing that I want to do, and be partially miserable for the rest of my life because I failed at that (or wasn't able to do it in spite of supreme efforts, is more like it). I don't know what to do, I can't ignore it for much longer.

I'm growing up. Holy fuck.

I want to do things before I graduate. I want to lose weight, I want to write a full play, I want to ace a semester, I want to do a lot of shit. I hope it'll happen.

But for now, I have a family that, while very dysfunctional, loves me, friends that are fantastic and love me (despite my crazy insecurities) and that I love, a good mind and a nice place to live in. Who knows what'll happen in two whole years? Well, I for one want to find out. I'm a little wary of it, but I truly want to know what happens next in my story.